lost in lust

                        Lost in lust 

            It's been a week now but I still see Adolf Hitler,  there were days that I would stare at the mirror and wish that I can see William Shakespeare, John keat or Wole Soyinka, but now I just wish to be able to see my self again. The events on that good Friday took the humanity in me, now I feel more like a hypocrite for ever criticizing Adolf Hitler. 
             I am a young boy that loves learning.... Literature in particular. I love all the genres of literature unequally, I have always treated poetry  specially cause I love it the most (besides, who in there right senses wouldn't). But an average kid my age would ask, " who in his right senses enjoys literature like you do?". So I was pretty much a loner till I met her.
             There is nothing I enjoy so much about her than the way she listens, I have a lot of people that hear me but she is(was)  the only one that truly listens, she was always  fascinated by the way great word merchants create an affair between words, she likes the smoove word intercouse that flow in poems. Trust me, I wanted nothing more from her. My social life was unstable but what she has become to me was enough...Till that day 
            She came around, but today she looked different....All of a sudden I started wishing we were not alone, I was staring at a pictorial representation of one of the greatest statements ever made  in history by Martin Luther king Jr, the image was hanging on a wall. On it was written "THE MIND IS THE STANDARD OF THE MAN"  but that was not what was going on in my head rather I was hearing "the libido is the standard of the man". I ignored my mind and listened to my libido. I decided to  manipulate her... I knew the exact poem to use, I used john Keats poem to his lover and I told her that it was for her, the words of the poem overwhelmed her. I instructed her to come closer so that I could read her mind  by looking into her eyes. She did, what happened after she came close was confusing to me. But I went ahead, further and further till I couldn't stop. She is an end but I used her as a means.
              She left after that, I am not sure she would ever want to return. But I am sure if she ever returns she wouldn't return the same. Not everyone can differentiate between nice clothing and indecent dressing, a man who allows his libido to lead him sees a girl that is nice to be cheap, sees a very social girl as a whore and for him every girl that always comes around wants only one thing. Lust blinds us to the fact that we see indecent dressings in women and not in men, I am not vindicating indecent dressers but I am just questioning the sanity of a man that thinks that a woman that dresses indecently and gets raped is no victim. Believe me, I didn't rape her....she allowed me, now my question is....why? Did I manipulate her to that extent?. But I think The pain I feel would have been less if I actually love her . I don't understand love yet, a times I just define it as a virtue that is within human capacity but beyond human comprehension, but for now the opposite sex remains an obstacle till I understand love and my libido.
              
               
           

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