it's lifeless

It's lifeless.
My conception was a mistake, I was an unplanned result of a mutual pleasure. I was just another sperm that failed to ask before making an entry. I loved and cherished every single moment I spent in the womb of the woman I would have loved to be my mother, I guess the world I was about to enter is no longer in need of infants or love we come with.
Was I not perplexed, when an instrument I thought was going to bring me into the world was cutting my limbs. The more I held it for grip the more it divided my body. I cried out to be sure if this is supposed to be happening. But it kept going on and on. I guessed that I would be separated in the womb and be joined again when I come out of the womb. But the pain was so much, handling it was beyond my capacity...I came out but I was not sure I came in to the right world, because no one recognized my presence. Everyone paid attention to an infant that has been turn apart. When I was in the womb I could see nothing, now that I can see everything nothing can see me. I think I was the infant, but I also think my birth and death happened at the same time. Everyone could recognize the presence of the absent infant , but no one could recognize the absence of my presence. My supposed mother is lying down in tears and in the pain, if I could speak I would apologize for being a burden to her and I would tell her that I love her so much and I hope that I look as beautiful as she is, though a life I never started has just ended. I would also ask her why?...was I that shameful?... Was it sinful righteousness?...or is it just circumstance?. I am unfamiliar with the world that I almost entered so I wouldn't know why it was done. If I knew my supposed Dad, I would tell him same and I will also tell him how proud I am to be from him. And to them both I would plead not to repeat this action, because it's pain is beyond imagination. The physical pains are nothing compared to how painful it is, that the first reflection of yourself that you see cannot see you too, not because it won't but because it can't, it's lifeless.
Cyto
(conversation with an imaginary friend that I wish had a name)

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